JUST RUNNING AN ERRAND

What was I just saying about the kooks who populate LA? The character in this post is not so much a kook as a male specimen better left uncategorized. His image has been swimming around my brain for the last 48 hours, so much so I had to unload it on you.

Standing in line at a check out counter is possibly one of my least favourite human activities. I am too polite to leaf through dumb magazines I know I will not buy (unless I am at a certain shopping mall in Cape Town) or to initiate phone calls/texts  that I will not carry on in front of the cashier. Instead, I concentrate on the fauna around me – like airports, shops are full of interesting weirdos.

Take Target on a Monday morning, where I had gone to check out the Missoni limited collection that came out on Saturday, of which only a stained size 10  pair of shoes was left. It looked as if a herd of buffaloes had stampeded through the section so I settled for some adorable looking pajamas at heavily discounted prices. While in the perpetual Target check-out line, I was alerted by a strong whiff of alcohol that somebody who had already been drinking heavily by 11 am was right ahead of me. Clad in black gym shorts and a tank top, my fellow shopper unloaded a wad of underwear on the conveyor belt, amongst which a pair of black briefs with a giant white skull where, presumably, his jewels were going to  be, and, in big bold letters PUNISHER  printed on the elastic band. For a  moment I was inclined to think those were bought as a prank for a friend. My second thought was “Does Target really sell this crap and is there a demand for it?” (the answer being obviously in the affirmative in both cases). Then I looked at this youngish man, at his black wallet covered in skulls, at the chains around his wrist and I couldn’t help picture some poor woman about to have carnal knowledge of this specimen, and how hard she would have had to work at suppressing her laughter and keeping her composure at the sight of the PUNISHER.

Now, please do tell me there are no members of my sex who would ever, under any circumstances, find such apparel attractive. Or am I kidding myself?

 

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5 Comments

Filed under humour

5 responses to “JUST RUNNING AN ERRAND

  1. sue

    Well – depending on age, alcohol and desperation … I believe there are many members of our sex who would not only find the apparel attractive. But go on to cradle the punisher. Marry him, imagine she can change him and find herself back in Target replacing said underwear with something less graphic, but that still said “punished”.

    I met a man once upon a time that had a picture of a stallion on his undies. When he saw me looking at it he said: “Get It?” I did, he didn’t.

    ps: you waited until Monday??? Have our years of recession conscious shopping taught you nothing?

  2. ci

    very funny…. ok let’s look at it from another perspective. wouldn’t you find it attractive if inside those pants there is a brad or a javier (yes that brad and yes that javier and yes it’s a clichè, but please be indulgent) or whomever you would find irresistible?
    My point is would you give a dam if you had in front of you the most desirable men in the world? Which doesn’t mean it has to be necessarily famous.
    Think about the best sexual intercourses you had in your life. Would have they been worse, had we worn the PUNISHER underpants?!!!
    Or does it mean that wearing such an underwear is like saying that you are a male chauvinist or that his IQ is uncomparable to ours?!!!
    Do we need an IQ for a good one? Or an efficient willy is enough?
    ok this is enough, forgive me I got carried away by the fantastic subject.

  3. sue

    Ci – I don’t think I know you – but I think you just rested my case. If the most desirable man in the world (Matt Damon) came into my bedroom wearing underpants that said Punisher … I would know I had misjudged him. And move on. Somethings say far more about a person than they realise.

  4. Agreed. All good sex I ever had involved presentable underpants. If Matt Damon stepped into the bedroom with the punisher underpants, I would get dressed and go (although fat chance of that happening, Matt in my bedroom that is…)

  5. ci

    Sue you do know me very well, it’s me the other S in our friend’s life.
    Next time the three of us are in the same room – and I’d love that to happen in the very next future (when was the last time we met? I don’t even recall – too bad) I’ll look straight into your eyes – both of you -and tell you a few things I’m not in the position to do right now.
    By the way, I recently saw on the telly an amazing interview where Matt gives proof of his intellingence and talent. If he stepped into my room with those undies (I am sure that he doesn’t wear such a silly thing, nor would brad or javier, but let’s pretend), I would look at him straight in the face and I am sure that he would say something that would made us burst into laughter.
    Intelligence and irony when wisely combined are such a weapon. Chances are that if a man is intelligent and talented he doesn’t need that stuff.
    But it was fun speculating…

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