The dangers of wi-fi and my i-Pad combined just cannot be underestimated. There I was, on a Friday night, watching Bill Maher (his smugness a major guilty pleasure of mine), when a blonde woman by the name of Alexandra Wentworth came on. I had seen her book mentioned around in the last few weeks but it didn’t really catch my attention until I heard her talk, and she was indeed very funny. I reached for my i-Pad, browsed iBook and, zap!, 30 seconds and 12 bucks later, “Ali in Wonderland” was right there, awaiting my attention and my time.
Now, I am not above easy reads and occasional trash, especially when coming off a particularly wonderful book or some proper Literature, and I have been known to devour Jackie Collins on the beach. This particular memoir, though, baffles me and it might be because of my utter lack of WASP genes. Here is a pretty blonde girl, recounting her childhood at the hands of a caring and busy mother (social secretary in the Nixon White House), her unremarkable days in college and her heartbreaks. Oh, and a small bout of depression, which might not have been depression after all. All this while pursuing a career as a b actress. Then she goes on to marry George Stephanopoulos and all ends well. Really, as far as major life roadblocks, “ah ah moments”, attention grabbing stories, this particular life is pretty unremarkable and tame.
Still, the 12 bucks were not entirely wasted because Ms. Wentworth can be extremely funny, especially when it comes to men. Here are a couple of truths that have been sticking around in my brain.
“I believe that every woman should sample all the different groups in the male food pyramid. That way, when you finally get married, you’re never enticed by the fantasy of the sculpted yoga instructor who “gets you” or the Brazilian ex-husband of a gallery owner you met once at a Ben Nicholson retrospective. You’ve been there, you’ve done him. Marriage is like being on a perpetual fast, in that you don’t have to waste all that time fantasizing about the curly fries if you’ve had them already. And barfed.”
I was never a big proponent of life long commitments early on. Think about it – if you get tied down in your ’20’s, I am prepared to bet that nobody is immune to the (not so) fleeting thought “what must it be like if…”. Mistakes, “cringeworhty” boyfriends, yucky flings and what “was I thinking specimen” all map the road to long-lasting relationships in the future. When you find someone special, you are more inclined to treasure him.
“If you love them, set them free. If they come back, they are truly yours. If not, they are assholes.”
Not particularly original but who hasn’t pleaded, stalked , tried to glue together broken pieces no longer fit? If it’s meant to be, he will find the road to you.